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52 Shades of Wogs: Official Thread

A huge chunk of rubble lay scattered around the city, smoke rising from every crevice while fire crackled in the background. Sirens crying out, the only sound in the deafly silence, alongside the wind being the only ambience of the once proud city.

Tears brimming in his eyes, Bush silently walked over to the body of DerpehBunnehz. Grasping his hand tightly, Derpeh turned his head towards Bush and coughed. "'s going to be...okay...This is what I wanted...It's good for me..."

"Derpeh..please don't talk" Bush sniffled. "You're too weak. You're injured."

"Bush...please...I'm leaving...on good terms. Oolala and I are...going to be alright...But remember this....You have to...take down...Roscoe...Do...what I couldn't." With a cough of blood, Derpeh closed his eyes as Bush cried out in rage. But he had no time, he looked back quickly as a ball of yellow light quickly blazed towards him. With a quick jump, he watched as Oolala's and Derpeh's bodies were incinerated. Without even thinking he ran away as fast as his legs would allow, having nothing but destruction and death to be his companion.

------------------3 months earlier----------------

"Yeah, but you see Huskie, I want a Wogs of the Dead. I would literally give my Master of RDM for it." Karkat hectically explained. "I have to be the richest and most powerful in the city. Otherwise what use is life?"

Huskie sipped his tea and facepalmed. "You could try getting laid. Or...y'know..being productive."

"Yeah, but that requires work." Karkat sighed.

"And we all know how Karkat is when it actually comes to doing something." Bong smirked. "Oh wait, no we don't. Because he doesn't."

"Bong, A. That makes no sense. B. You're an idiot. And C. You have no friends besides a Mac n Cheese box." Roscoe sighed.

"I drew a smiley face and a pair of boobs on it so I can pretend it's an actual woman" Bong beamed.

"Yeah, and I wonder how long it takes for it to leave you."

The group howled with laughter except for Bong who silently cried to himself.

"Well I guess you can say...Bong can't think outside the box!" Roscoe laughed.

" were doing so good...And you killed it there." Huskie frowned, obviously not impressed with the pun.

Just then, a portal opened up in front of them.

"Roscoe! You have to find Cecilia! Cecilia is the key! You were right about him!"

The portal closed as everyone just looked at Roscoe. Confused.

"Is someone trying to get rid of you again, Roscoe?" Huskie asked.

"At the rate that it happens, I honestly wouldn't be surprised."

"People just...need to chill. I don't see why it's so hard for them to accept when they do something wrong."

"Because most of them are under 15?" Roscoe snickered.

"oooh burn!" Karkat laughed.

Just then, the sunny day turned cloudy as a bunch of dildos began raining from the sky. Before any of the group could reply, they were stopped by the maniacal laughter of Zeno.


The dildos came together to form a giant lizard like monster, who let out a deafening shriek. The group, all ready to fight stood up as one. Except for Bong. Because Bong's a coward.

Combining their powers, Karkat, Roscoe, and Huskie became the unstoppable Exodia. Shooting a giant wave of multiple blasts at them, Exodia soon found itself out of power, and the three devolved into their normal selves.

"This form is fucking useless!" Huskie ranted.

"Yeah. Runs out of power way too quickly."

"I like using it to taunt people though."

With its back lighting up, Dildozilla shot back a dildo attack, which slammed against the trio. Karkat clenched his butt, and a Pokeball came out, releasing a Togekiss.

But it was too late! Because out of nowhere, Pepper, using his afro as a parachute came down with his Gengar and made Karkat's Togekiss faint. Without a single line of dialogue, Pepper was devoured by Dildozilla. With things looking grim for our trio.

"It's alright guys. I know the one thing that can destroy dildos." Roscoe smirked.

With anticipation in their balls, Huskie and Karkat waited to see what Roscoe had in store.

Taking out a Bizon, He aimed it at the monster. With a trigger finger quicker than most masturbate, flames shot out and ultimately melted the monster to nothing. With Zeno alongside it.

Roscoe blew the smoke away from his gun. " looks like he couldn't take...the heat. There's a clean up needed on aisle four."

"God damn it, Roscoe." Huskie and Karkat said in unison.

-End of Chapter 1.-
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We need more smut
(08-17-2016, 02:05 AM)|乂|King Ramsey|乂| Wrote: We need more smut

I'd like to point you to 50 Shades of Wogs then
Chapter 2: Man on a Mission

Mik calmly sat in his apartment. A glass of milk in front of him. Eyeing it with determination, he was contemplating how he wanted to drink it. "You're a fuckin' tossah aren'tchu?" He glared at the glass. "You fink you intimdayt me? I'm a fuckin' force a' naycha I am."

Without a moment's warning, the door was kicked open and a bag was placed over Mik's head. With a swift chop to the back of the neck like in the movies, except it doesn't work like that in real life, Mik was knocked out. "Oi you tossah, there's only room fah one person in this place." And with that, the assailant dragged Mik's body out of his apartment.

Derpeh was standing on top of his apartment building, gazing at the sun. He had wondered why he couldn't remember much. There seemed to be gaps in his past, and it bothered him. Even Dildozilla rampaging through the city wasn't enough to make him falter in his thought process. In a city where people could do almost anything, this wasn't of any surprise to him.

"Derpeh, you okay?" Kokkey asked, seeing his friend in a state of intense concentration.

"I feel like this is all a lie. I feel like there's something missing. Something that I'm not remembering. It's bothersome."

After Jason had been defeated by Derpeh and Roscoe, and the rebirth of the universe, memories were wiped to preserve the natural order. With Jason sealed away, the world had seen peace for the first time in a while.

King Ramsey was on a park bench. He wore a heavy trenchcoat and was furiously masturbating to an issue of Cupcakes Monthly. "Awww yeah. That's some dirty frosting..." But then, a meteor came and crush him. RIP.

Karkat was finishing his pizza, almost ignoring that he'd just fought a giant dildo monster. "Hey Huskie, why are you so fucking anal about everything anyway?" he asked.

"I dunno. Maybe because I don't like having fun and being judgmental without context is easier." Huskie replied, finishing his soda.

"Trruueee" Bong said.

"Bong go away. You hid while we fought a giant dildo monster" Roscoe growled.

"But you guys are my only friends..." Bong said sadly.

"Making a lot of assumptions here..." Karkat coughed.

Saddened, Bong took some baby oil out of his pocket and walked away. He looked back to see the trio having a grand ol' time. He sighed as he walked towards the forest, not caring about where his destination would take him.

Mik awoke to find himself tied to a pipe. "OI, WHERE AM I? I'LL CHALLENGE YOU TO A BOUT OF FISTICUFFS I WILL." He threatened.

"They never told you...What happened to your father and mother..." The figure explained.

Mik glared at the darkness. "They told me enough...they told me YOU killed them..."

" your parents...." Bagel said, stepping out of the shadows.

"No....No....That's not true...THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE."

"Search your know it to be true."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Noooooooooooo ;-;" Mik cried.

And then Dead showed up somewhere randomly.

--End of Ch. 2--
Chapter 3: All's Fine and Dandy until someone masturbates with Baby Oil.

Bong walked into the forest, devoid of a purpose and now friends. "At least you'll always be my friend" He said sullenly looking at the baby oil. The cap opened and oil was smothered over the bottle as it popped out of his hand and rolled off. "Awww..." Bong sighed.

Derpeh looked back and threw a shuriken when a giant spiraling whirl of energy formed behind him. He jumped back as he waited for whatever came out of the portal. His eyes widened as he was approached by none other than himself. "Who are you!?"

"I am...Future Derpeh. And I'm here to warn you."

"Oh christ. Is this the part where you spout useless exposition at me?"


"Fine...whatever. your thing then. Fuck this is gimmicky."

"Past me, I come from a future where you have been stripped of your power. And you have to use nooby guns. It's awful Derpeh. You don't want want to be a part of that world!"

"Wait...then what the fuck happens to get my powers stripped?"

Just then, another portal opened, and out came...another Derpeh.

"Future Derpeh! You can't tell Present Derpeh about what happens to him!" Future Future Derpeh announced.

"Why not!?" Future Derpeh yelled.

"Because I was there....You told Present Derpeh about what happened to him, and then they got word of it, and everything got destroyed and I died!"

" are you here now..." Present Derpeh asked. "You know what? I don't care. Fuck both of me. I'm irritated."

Using his powers Derpeh slid down the side of his apartment building, glass breaking as he passed by. Holding his hand out, a hammer formed in his hand. Ready to dismount, Derpeh launched himself.

Bush was sitting and eating some toast. He was minding his own business when he saw a shadow and looked up. Doing a spinkick, Derpeh slammed his mallet into Bush's face, causing Bush's face to become a flesh slushie all over the pavement and surrounding area.

"And that ladies and how you skin a cat."


"How dare you say you're my muffa and fatha! I'll hav yew kno I'm easily offendabul I am!" Mik growled.

"You say that...but you have no idea who you are...You don't remember, do you? The test tubes full of milk?" Bagel questioned. "You don't remember....her?"

"What the blimey 'ell are you talkin' about? Who's her?!" Mik growled.

"Devon....your true mother...."


Zeno woke up covered in bandages. He seemed to be severely burned and looked around frantically. In the distance, he saw a figure with a glowing dildo.

"So Zeno...tell me...Would you like to play a game?"
Chapter 4: Want a hit? Take a bong.

Zeno squirmed as he realized he was chained to the table. His eyes widened at his captor. "Nuuuu"

The figure put a dildo on a contraption as it started spinning slowly towards Zeno. Zeno felt air pass by his nether region, which was fully exposed.

"For years, you have taken advantage of the gullibility of others to screw them over in unfair trades to satisfy your obsession with a phallus. Now you will have to experience their pain. The feeling of being screwed yourself. On this device is a dildo. If it enters you, your insides will be spun until they rip apart, causing internal bleeding. However, if you manage to make a sacrifice to battle your obsession, you might just find your freedom. Live or die, make your choice."

The figure stood up and closed the door behind him. Zeno's eyes widened as he desperately fought against his constraints. The device of his demise inching closer and closer to him.


Bagel looked at Mik. "It's all true. Your mother Devon gave birth to you and found herself at a loss for money. She was approached by the Government who told her that we needed infants for a new project. She was given a lofty sum, and we worked on making you a milk based warrior. A special formula was injected into your body, and you became the only successful military grade super baby. I raised you like you were my own for the longest time, before wiping your memories and releasing you onto the world until the time where you would need to be used once more." He explained.

"But why!? Wat da blimey 'ell does this all meen?" Mik questioned.

"4 years ago, a man named J rose to power and helped created a city. Obtaining a new power, he was able to transcend into a higher level of existence. Two people rose up against him, and brought about the destruction of the universe. Through unknown means, the universe and the world were revived with all its memories wiped. Only few individuals managed to recover their memories. There seemed to be an individual who played a part in this, who left behind cryptic messages of his forthcoming. In an effort to uncover the truths of how we obtained our memories, and to create a failsafe to fight this threat, we made two projects: Project NTG and Project FRG. Both failed horribly. But this man...there's traces and whispers of him everywhere...Some say he's only a myth."

"Tis iz soh phuckin dumb." Mik sighed.

"I'll need to reactivate you...Milky Soldier."


Bong walked further into the forest when he spotted a bunny. He beamed as he ran towards it, only for it to run away. Taking out his portable bong, he took a hit and looked over as he saw a tar like pit near him. He got up and brushed himself off as he walked over. Dipping his hand in the substance, he squinted his eyes as nothing was on his hands. He leaned in forward as........nothing happened. He shrugged as he went on his way, but he tripped over a rock, and found himself being approached by a swiftly growing cricket, who devoured him in one swoop.


Derpeh was proud of his killing Bush. "Another Gremlin that doesn't get to fucking bother me anymore. But then, Derpeh was surrounded by attractive women and pugs. And one cat. This was a life he could get used to.
Gremlins are love gremlins are life FUCK YOU LET ME EAT MY TOAST.
Chapter 5: Hungry? Eat a Snickers

Karkat sat in a rocking chair and picked up an old picture book. A tear brimmed in his eyes as he saw pictures of the old days that realistically couldn't have been taken, but for the sake of the story, we'll pretend they were. He saw himself standing side by side with Derpeh and Roscoe. He remember the bloody war that took the lives of many with the end goal of taking down Jason. Karkat had grown bored in the times of peace. He yearned for something more and something to challenge him. But he couldn't see that happening. He sighed as he remember Grey, his first love, and Roscoe his one friend. He remembered the war and misunderstanding between the three of them, and the eventual death of his love. He sighed, slowly closing the book and walking to the window. Was it wrong to want calamity again? Was it wrong to thrive in chaos and on the battlefield? He wasn't sure anymore.


Huskie choked on a meatball and died.


Zeno furiously struggled against his binds. In a massive fury, Zeno ripped his arms clean off his torso and yelled in despair. Rolling off the table, he heavily panted as blood dripped from his stumps onto the floor. He heard clapping in the darkness as Billy walked towards him "And so your will to live is stronger, and you for it. Consider this rehabilitation. And consider"

He walked towards Zeno and grabbed the stumps. Steam came from them as Zeno yelled loudly, and soon, a weird substance encoated his arms.

"With these, your new life begins. And the old world ends."

Zeno looked as his new arms were made of dildos.


Bong woke up in a dark area and looked around frantically. His bong was floating in the air. He got up, and tried to catch it, but it whisked itself away every time.

"Are you afraid?" The shadows asked.

"W-who...w-who are you?" Bong asked.

"I am shadow. I am darkness. Who I am, people consider...a myth."

Bong was silent, only being able to shake and trying desperately to compose himself.

"The world doesn't respect you, they consider you nobody. So let me give you a purpose."

Bong composed himself. "I'm listening..."


Silent was a janitor with a mustache. He cleaned up Bush's giblets.


Roscoe slept soundly. He dreamed of raptors mauling sheep and people burning. He smiled as he tossed and turned in his bed. But soon enough, that was going to change.


Mik stood up. He was now the soldier he was always meant to be

"Now Mik, we get ready and we prepare. Something bad is coming. I can feel it"
rip Huskie
gr8 b8 m8 i r8 this 8/8

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